My Wifey!!

It has been about a month and half since I married this gorgeous girl. The reason it took me so long is because apparently when Em and I do something big in our lives we decide to do a whole bunch of big things at once. I got a new job, married the girl of my dreams, and then moved us 8 hours north! It has been nothing short of an amazing adventure. But when I think about doing all of this without Emma-lee...none of it seems worth it. Coming home from a long day/night at work to my amazing wife makes everything better and worth while. This adventure would just be cold and lonely if it was without her. Emma-lee, I love you infinity and beyond!! you are my favourite thing in the entire world. I don't know what other adventures God has in store for us, but I cant wait to face them with you by my side!!
Love ya babe!!

Rio Vida

I have been living in Spain for about three weeks now and attending a Bible school here called Rio Vida. This has easily been the biggest adventure of my life so far. Admittedly, I was nervous about the whole thing; Bible school because I didn't know what to expect having never been and was nervous about my Bible knowledge, the people, etc. And was nervous about living in a foreign country for almost three months on top of going to Bible school. However, the nervousness was greatly overshadowed by the excitement in going on this adventure.
       Three weeks in and I can already say that my expectations or lack of have been well exceeded and has already been the time of my life. The country of Spain is absolutely beautiful. We have travelled to some of the surrounding towns and landscapes and they only seem to get better. There is an amazing contrast between the tropical beaches and the spectacular mountain ranges that is just breath-taking. This country is thick with history and a unique and wonderful culture, but there is really nothing like the food, specifically the pizza, here!
       As amazing as Spain is, the area where my expectations have been blown away is the Bible school itself and the people within it. I immediately knew on the first day when I was greeted at the airport by out director that it would not be the country, the weather, the landmarks, or the food that changes my life, but through the people. Our director set incredibly high standards for anyone else I met as he is just one of the most kind and loving people you will meet. This man and his family show us compassion and love every day to every student and this creates an atmosphere fuelled by the grace and love of God.
       But then I met the students and again my expectations were exceeded. Each and every student here has the light of God within them and it is so evident and they came here to have fun and adventures, but ultimately to grow with God and I see this every day. I can confidently say that I have built some amazing friendships and come to know some incredible, hilarious, generous, and God-loving people. I have come to believe that one of the most important aspects of Bible school are the bonds and connections that you form with other people through the conversations you have, the stories you tell, the games you play, and the laughs you share. It is through these friendships that you see the love and power of God through our shared individual experiences that we learn from and together as a group we learn how to live a life for God; not boring, clean, pretty, and well-preserved, but an adventurous, joyful, bold, extravagant, God-glorifying life!

Proverbs

God created man. He created Rich Man and Poor Man.
       Rich Man lived in a beautiful castle that reached the height of the clouds; it was filled with only the finest foods and the food was plenty. He slept in a warm bed and never went cold. All of his desires were met.
       Poor Man lived in the slums. He went hungry. Spent the nights in the cold. He desired little and received little.
       Rich Man saw himself as superior than Poor Man and in turn never interacted with him and refused to shelter or feed him even though it was very much within his capability. Because they were never together they were constantly alone. In loneliness they found despair. There was a way out of their dark places, but they did not know how nor had the knowledge that such was possible.
       God created Wisdom. Wisdom looked like them, sounded like them, but did not act like them. Wisdom was righteous and justified, Wisdom knew right from wrong, good from evil. Wisdom was humble and had honor, was not foolish, listened to her creator and followed his law. She was faithful and honest, she did not boast, but first and foremost she sought ONLY to spread the knowledge of the Love of God.
       Wisdom went to Rich Man with sole desire to share the knowledge of her creator. She knocked on the door and Rich Man answered; as soon as the door opened she immediately began to share, "Trust in the Lord with all your heart and do not..." and the door was slammed on her face.
      Wisdom then went to Poor Man where he was sleeping on the streets. She knelt beside him and said "The righteous has enough to satisfy his appetite, but the belly of the wicked suffers want" (Prov. 13:25). Poor Man lifted his head for only a moment and lay back down. Wisdom pleaded that all of his desires would be filled through the knowledge she could share, but he wouldn't have it.
      Wisdom never quit. She went to the centre of the village and began to cry out: "To you, O men, I call, and my call is to the children of man. O simple ones, learn prudence; O fools, learn sense. Hear, for I will speak noble things and from my lips will come what is right" (Prov. 8:4-6). She went on and on without ceasing, constantly crying out through the town. Hours went by until she finally saw Poor Man walking up the street towards her. With joyous arms she greeted him and he received the greeting not denying it. He sat and she shared until the very life and meaning of Wisdom was ingrained within Poor Man. Poor Man never became rich, yet all of his desires were met until his only desire was to know God more.
       Time went by while Rich Man only grew lonelier. He had everything in the world yet was oddly unhappy. For weeks the only thing he could think of was the few words he heard from Wisdom, "Trust in the Lord". Time went on to the point where his only desire was to hear the words Wisdom intended to share in its fullness.
       Rich Man left his castle and followed the cries of Wisdom as she continued to share throughout the village. He came upon Poor Man sitting in front of her as she shared. Wisdom stopped as she saw him approaching, he made his way to Poor Man and sat down beside him. Wisdom smiled and began to speak, "Trust in the Lord with all your heart, and do not lean on your own understanding. In all your ways acknowledge him, and he will make straight your paths." (Prov. 3:5-6)

what a difference a day makes...

Success, wealth, work, and loneliness...this was his life. It wasn't the one he envisioned, but it was one he learned to accept. He had few friends because he was constantly working. He didn't have a family because he didn't have time to meet anyone. He hadn't been in a relationship since high school, she didn't understand why he had to join the military, but he felt it was his only option. Even if he did meet someone he couldn't be that guy for them. Perhaps that's because of the military. He joined right out of high school. He came back a different guy to a different world, one he felt out of place in, so he buried himself in his work. It brought him success, but no one to share it with.

Everyday he wakes up at the same time and does the same routine. He does his exercises, showers, chooses a suit, has breakfast (oatmeal...eggs if he's feeling adventurous), watches the news for about ten minutes, and then drives to work with time to spare. He does this everyday...except today. Today was unlike the rest. He slept through his alarm and woke up much later than he should. His entire routine was disorganized; he rushed into his car and sped out of the parking garage, as he was turning onto the road in the middle of rush hour he cut somebody off and pulled in front of them, he didn't see the kid on the skateboarder coming up on the other side of the driver, he went too far out into the other lane and hit the kid on the skateboard.

Panic ran through his body. He didn't know what to do. It felt like it had been ten minutes that he sat in his car hoping he was alright; it must have only been a minute or so because the boy stumbled to his feet with just a few cuts and bruises. From inside his car he looked pretty upset and was yelling though he couldn't hear what he was saying inside his car. He opened the door and heard the flurry of curse words mixed with some slang insults that he was not familiar with, but he got the point. It was only until he approached the boy that he realized he wasn't upset about being hit, but rather the fact his skateboard was now in several pieces. As he got closer to the boy the insults were now directed at him. He tried to apologize and offered to drive him to the hospital, but the boy refused. He hesitantly asked if he wanted to involve the police, the boys response was a special finger. He gathered the scattered skateboard and began walking on an intersecting street. Traffic was beginning to flow again, so he got back in his car. He thought about just going to work, he could still get there on time.

He began driving, only to turn down the street he saw the skateboarder go. He only had to travel a few blocks until he saw him. He pulled over and yelled him over. It took some convincing and grudging acceptance, but the boy allowed him to take him back home. It had been about five minutes in the car and neither one of them said a word. He tried to brake the silence with some small talk:
"What's your name?"
"Oliver"
"How old are you?"
"Sixteen"
"What do you do for fun?"
He held up the broken skateboard.
"What do your parents do?"
"Just my Mom"
"I'm sorry about that"

He found himself very anxious and worried, but it wasn't for his job...it was for the boy. He spent the majority of his life having to care for only himself, so having someone else to worry about made him feel uneasy. He wanted to know more about him, but didn't know how to start. It was a relief to him when the boy started asking him questions:
"What do you do?"
"I'm a financial adviser"
"That doesn't sound very fun"
He was about to defend his job and try to explain why he enjoyed it, but that would be a lie.
"Its not"
"So why do you do it?"
"I don't know", that was the truth. He really didn't know why he still worked there. Perhaps it just occupied his time and more importantly his mind. "What do you want to be?"
"A cop maybe, I think I would enjoy that. I've thought about joining the military after high school."
"What does your Mom think about that?"
"She hates it, but its not up to her."
He thought about what the military did to him and how it changed him and he didn't want that for the kid. He didn't know him, but he didn't need to. It wasn't just the things he saw in the service, but just being away and the people he left behind. When he joined he didn't take in account that everyone that loved him was affected. He thought of this kids Mom and how she would be affected if he joined. His anxiety increased. There was a long pause before he responded..."I think being cop would be pretty awesome".

They approached his house and the kid gathered up the pieces of the skateboard and got out of the car. He apologized again for hitting him and offered his help to him in whatever way possible. He didn't know why, but he felt sad to see the boy leave. It wasn't until that moment that he thought about work and was still in no hurry to return. Work had been the only thing he cared about for so many years, but it felt secondary now. He was about to pull back onto the road when he heard a knock on his window. He saw the kid standing outside the car and rolled it down.
"Do you want to come in for a drink or something and meet my Mom?"
"Yes I do", he was surprised by his answer and how quick he responded, but happy with it as well.
They approached the house, the boy opened the door to find his Mom on the other side. She was clearly a good Mom because she was immediately distraught when she heard what happened. She finally stopped hugging him and turned to greet the man in her doorway. His heart sunk when he saw her face. He often imagined what she would look like now; to him she looked the exact same. He was standing in front of the girl that he abandoned for the military...16 years ago.

Getting Old

I think that I've posted about The Guardian before, however, I recently watched it again and there was one scene that really stuck out to me that I hadn't noticed before. For those who haven't seen the movie it is about a rescue swimmer for the United States Coast Guard who's co-worker and friend dies at sea. He is forced to take a leave of absence and teach at the training facility; while there he gets divorce papers sent to him by his wife who can no longer come second to his job which he has dedicated his life to. In this scene that stuck out he goes to a local bar one night where he is close friends with the owner and divulges to her his troubles: his best friend died, his wife wants a divorce, and he is trying to show himself he is capable of doing certain things despite his age. After she places an ice-pack on his blown-out shoulder he asks her with a slight chuckle, "when the heck did we get old?". It is after this that the magic happens. She goes on to tell him that being old isn't necessarily a bad thing; "Hell, I've always been old Ben, you know what though, I don't mind. If my muscles ache its because I used them, its hard for me to walk up them steps now because I walked up them every night to lay next to a man that loved me. I got a few wrinkles here and there, but I layed under thousand of skies on sunny days, yeah, I look and feel this way...well cause I drank and I smoked, I lived and I loved, I danced, sang, sweat, and screwed my way through a pretty damn good life. Getting old aint bad...getting old...that's earned." This old ladies raspy voice and harsh language cuts through the crap and gets to the good stuff. I was a little shocked at myself for not noticing this little gem the first time I watched this movie; but than I thought that perhaps I didn't notice it because it wasn't old enough to understand it. Now I realize the twenty-two is not very old, but its old enough to start experiencing life and what it has to offer, good and bad. I love her take on life. Most everyone sees ageing as this horrible experience that each person has to endure at some point in time. But from her perspective we get to be old, its a sign that we've lived. My dad has a permanently messed up nose because he broke it so many times from playing hockey his whole life, playing rugby, football, and having fun. That broken nose is a sign of the memories he's made. From her life point-of-view the bumps and bruises that we get along the way aren't signs of failure and mistakes or blemishes, they are signs that that life has been earned.
https://youtu.be/3iaXQ1U7EBg

Cannot Keep You

I was recently introduced to this song "Cannot Keep You" by Michael Gungor and immediately felt very convicted by it. The song is speaking on how we as Christians cannot keep God within our little confines and within our walls that we have boxed him in with, secluded from the rest of the world. We cannot keep God in our Church, in our homes, and in our little communities. And when I say Church I mean your local chapel because I think Church is so much more than a building and a Sunday morning destination. Church can be anywhere it has to be whether that is in a Chapel or in the streets among the homeless. I believe that is what Michael Gungor is saying; that we cannot and should not keep God in the safe places set out for us. He should be found in the highest office of the tallest skyscraper to the lowest and dumpiest part of the city. One of the lines in the song is "so we will find you in the streets and we will find you in the prisons". We should be able to find God in every nook and cranny of the world; in our ever day world among our workplace and in the undesired places that people fear. His lyrics are telling us that we have this secret that we share among ourselves, but should be shouted from the rooftops and expressed in our entire being. Before this song I had been feeling this push towards the idea of inner-city ministry and helping those in need within our country both physically and spiritually. Hearing this song has made that push even stronger and I hope it continues to get stronger until it is a reality so all of this is not just talk because I will be the first to admit my fault in not expressing my faith in the capacity that I should. When you meet me you should know there is something different about me than everyone else and unfortunately that is not the case, but I pray one day it shall be.

A Silver Lining

I just watched Silver Linings Playbook. As I was watching it reminded me of the song Unwell by Matchbox Twenty. The song is about how he is a little crazy; how everyone is a little nuts. I find that really relates to this movie because it is about two people who, to the rest of the world, are completely crazy and need medical help (which they recieve). However, you learn that though they are the only ones that are medically diagnosed as crazy, everyone in their lives are just as bonkers, if not more. In Pat's life, his father is obsessed with the Philadelphia Eagles and has an unhealthy superstition about the team and his son as their luck charm. His brother has insecurities about every aspect of his life and seems more unstable than his formally institutionalized brother. His best friend has a horrible marriage that only survives from the advise of Pat himself who beat the crap out his wife's lover. And his best friends wife is controlling, manipulative, full of hatred and self-loathing that she projects onto her little sister, Tiffany (Jennifer Lawrence). It goes to show that though not everyone is daily medicating to keep the crazy down doesn't mean we all don't sometimes belong in the looney bin.
What I love most about this movie is that it is an alternative romantic comedy, but has a typical love story ending. It is weird which makes it so amazing. Nowadays it seems that every romantic movie or movie about love that wants to be considered as a "good" film has to have some sort of depressing ending. Don't get me wrong I love the not-so-normal ending to a typical love story just as much as the next guy, but for a movie like this you would expect the ending to be strange and out of the ordinary like the rest of the film. Instead it did exactly the opposite and had an incredibly normal and happy ending which made it extraordinary. Any other possibility would have changed the whole dynamic of the film because it shows that the fact that they are real people is what makes their love so true.
Their dance at the end of the movie explains their love story in the matter of several minutes: it's weird and unorthodox, it looks strange and makes other people uncomfortable, its funky and not what the world says that it should be, while at the same time it is beautiful and utterly pure.

Skinny Dipping

     Her profile read: “Looking for someone that will make me smile. Someone to ask me how my day was and want to know the answer. Someone to lay with and not have to say a word. Someone who will bring me flowers for no apparent reason even though it’s a completely lame and cheesy thing to do. I want someone to not feel like when we go out to eat they have to order something sophisticated. I want you to order a burger and a coke and not be embarrassed when I get the same thing. I want someone to go on adventures with; even if that means skinny dipping in the neighbours pool at midnight. I want someone who wants a full life and doesn't want it alone.”
     I was scrolling through the different profiles simply out of curiosity when I came across hers. I was enthralled by her dreams and the way she wanted to go through life. It was like reading a mirror for my thoughts. I wanted to the guy to do all of those things with her. I had never had any desire to go skinny dipping, let alone in someone else’s pool and suddenly my desire to do that outranked anything I had wanted to do. I think what attracted me most to her was that she didn't have a need to go see the world. She wanted to experience and enjoy the life that already surrounded her. She didn't want to just escape; she wanted make it so she enjoyed her life so much she didn't have to escape it.
     My wife and I had lost the excitement and adventure in our life; we could both feel our marriage fizzling out, but I never thought of cheating on her or being unfaithful in anyway. I told myself that scrolling through the different profiles was harmless. I never thought that I would actually find a woman that I would want to get to know. It was the first time in my marriage that I thought that my wife might not be “the one”. The guilt only started to set in when I sent her a message: “Hi, my name is Martin”, I had planned to use my real name, but knowing the outcome now I am glad that I didn't, “I read your profile and was immediately intrigued. I’m scared to say that I want all the things you want because that sounds so cliché, but I will say that I want that life. I want to be the one to come home to you and ask you about your day and want with everything in me to know the answer, I want to see that smile on your face when I hand you flowers on a random Tuesday and then take you out for burgers and cokes and enjoy your company as well as my meal. I want to go for Sunday afternoon drives with you where we have no destination and take in the adventures that come along the way. And I want more than anything in the world to go skinny dipping with you at midnight in the neighbours pool! I want that full life and I certainly don’t want it alone.”
     We started to email each other and that was when I started to feel like I was cheating on my wife. Part of me wanted to tell her the whole thing, but another part of me knew that her emails were the best part of my day. I had no idea what she looked like; she described herself to me, but I her humble, “5,6 and bruenette”, description was less than detailed. I wanted to meet her in person, but I knew that when I met her I would fall head-over-heels and then it would be real. I am not a cheater, that wasn't the kind of person that I was, but when she asked to meet me I couldn't help myself.
     On the day I was to meet her I was so nervous. It was the same nerves that I felt on my wedding day: scared, terrified, ecstatic, and excited all at the same time. I made a point to meet with her at a café on the other side of town to guarantee we wouldn't run into my wife, it was on the other side of town for her too, but she didn't seem to mind. She told me to look for the girl in a red sundress. Thinking about that dress really made me smile. As I got closer to the café I began getting extremely nervous to the point of sickness. I parked the car and just sat there for a while. I started to walk towards the café and my conscience got the best of me, I couldn't cheat on my wife. I stood in front of the café and was about to turn around when I saw the red sundress. She was the most beautiful girl I had ever seen, she almost looked as beautiful as she did on our wedding day. My wife and I made eye contact. I knew from the dress, but it took her a few seconds to realize I was the guy she had been e-mailing. In that moment I had never been so in love with my wife. I stood outside that café and smiled at her, she sat there in gave me that smile that I had shamefully forgotten. That night we skinny dipped in our neighbour’s pool!

The Strange Man In Subway

I was in line at a Subway the other day and at the front of the line was a man who immediately to me and clearly to everyone else seemed strange. He was quite loud when he spoke which was quite often. He was telling the Subway employees, people he had just met, personal information about himself and sharing about his weekend. He went to a boat show in Toronto and saw some fairly expensive boats. He pulled his phone out and showed a picture of a boat worth several million dollars to one of the employees. The whole time he was there he wouldn't stop talking and he was in no rush to leave. As I was leaving I thought to myself, "What a strange dude". I got into my car and I turned it on, but I didn't take it out of park yet, I had another thought to myself and it was disgust...for myself. I was calling this man strange because he was kind and open. I replayed what I had just witnessed back over in my head. He was making conversation with these employees. They were smiling and responding back to him with as much enthusiasm as him, so they weren't annoyed by his presence. He was never rude, not once. In fact he seemed like an extremely kind person. He had what seemed like a girlfriend with him, so hes clearly doing something better than me. He didn't bother or annoy anyone. I thought back and realized I wasn't annoyed either, in fact I was interested in how a boat could be worth so much. He was in no rush because he was enjoying himself and just taking his time; I had no place to be. And most importantly he made those employees smile; he made conversation with them, he didn't see them as just the people making his sand which, he saw them as people. I was disgusted with myself because I immediately thought that this guy was strange because he was kind. Unfortunately that's normal in our world. It should be that I was strange one for not acting the way he did. It made me think about social conventions and how its good to be a nice and open person as long as it doesn't make people too uncomfortable. Respect that people have places to be and just let them get on with their day. That's bull s***. Whats life if not a good conversation with a complete stranger. I would like to be a little more strange.

The Old Man

          There once was a young man--many years ago. He was a good man, but he always felt that he had to prove himself because his family was a lower class. This made the man greedy. He was always trying become higher in his status and never stopped to enjoy life. One day he was travelling in the back of a farmers wagon in search of some way to find his desired wealth. The farmer stopped on the side of the road to pick up another stranger. The stranger was an old man, he got into the wagon and sat beside the young man. The two of them got to talking and the young man had told the old man his plan to become a rich and powerful man. The old man laughed and told the him that there was more to life than wealth and power, there is love and family. The young man dismissed this proclaiming that he would do whatever it took to not be poor, to not be like his father was. The old man got really serious and said that he could help him if that is what he really wanted. The young man told him that it really was. The old man snapped his fingers. He knelt down and picked up a nail from the floor of the wagon and immediately plunged it into the neck of the young man. The young man screamed in pain and pulled the nail out. The blood pouring out out of his neck quickly stopped and the stab wound healed within minutes. The old man smiled and told him that he had granted him everlasting life. He told him that he will never die, will never get injured or sick again. The young man in shock asked him how this would help him achieve his goal. The old man told him that he will never age; he has all the time in the world to become rich and powerful. The old man told him that the only way that he will be able to die is if he passes his gift on to someone else. But it can only be to someone with the same desires and greed like himself. The young man immediately took advantage of his new gift and did whatever it took to gain wealth. The old man passed away as soon as the young man left the wagon.
         Many years later, after becoming rich and powerful he met a young woman and he fell in love. . For a while he was able to enjoy his family; his wife and his three daughters. However, his overpowering greed eventually came back and could no longer resist his need to go back to his old ways. He wasn't content with his simple life. He dismissed his family and fell away from them. His wealth, however, grew more and more. After years of his growing status and wealth, his distanced family was in their home waiting for him to come back from one of his many meetings when a fire started in the kitchen on the main floor. It was late and all of the daughters were asleep. The mother smelled the smoke and saw the fire from upstairs. She tried to wake her children, but it was too late. They were all caught in the fire. The young man came home to find his entire family dead. The young man was ruined. All he wanted to do was die along with his wife and daughters. He would have if hadn't become unable to die. Every night he would place the gun to his temple and pull the trigger and every time he would get back up.
          Fast forward many more years. For a very long time the young man searched for someone to pass his curse on to. He thought it would be easy to find a young and greedy man, but every person he found had some piece of them that desired to truly enjoy their lives and because of this the curse could not be passed. He gave up on his search. He took to spending his days drinking and challenging himself to attempt to take home the prettiest girl in the bar. He usually won. He hated his life.
         One night at a pub, the man was sitting at the bar. He was an old man now. Not because of age, but because of life and the toll it had taken on his spirit. He saw a young man sitting near him with the same desire in his eyes that he once had many years prior. The old man sat closer to him. They began talking and the young told him his story. It was almost identical to the old mans. He wanted wealth and riches. The old man told him he could give him this if that was really what he wanted. The young man said he really wanted it. The old man was about to snap his fingers when he thought of how much he has hated his life; how miserable he has been. He saw now that the old man had cursed him, not blessed him. He thought of everything he had done in his life, never had he done something good for someone. He couldn't do it. The old man told the young man that he can't help him. He told him there was more to life than everything he desired. With that the young man left the pub as normal as he came in. The old man finally felt some sort of joy in his life. He picked up his drink and took a sip. He set the drink down and coughed. With that cough followed another. The bartender said to the old man, "you must have caught the flu that is going around".
The old man smiled.

Roadkill

I was driving home one night. It was in an area that was isolated from homes and because of that it was darker than most places. There was a good song on and I was singing along. Perhaps that is why I didn't notice when the cat jumped out in front of me. I slammed the brakes and tried to swerve. I went outside to check on the clearly wounded animal. It didn't look good. From the look of it I thought that it had died immediately from the crash, I heard the poor thing making some noises. I had trouble looking at the little cat. Not because of my weak stomach, but because of my guilt. The thought of hitting an animal and killing it with my car before was something that I would obviously avoid, but not something I feared because of emotional reasons. But as I knelt beside it my heart broke for this cat. I knew that it would not last for very much longer. It did not have any tags on it and there weren't any houses near by. I thought to myself that the kindest thing I could do for it would be to put it out of its misery. I grabbed a rock at first... what the heck am I going to do with a rock, smash it's head in? No way I could do that. I had no other way that I could end it quickly. I thought about driving away thinking that would be what most people would do in this situation. I couldn't do that either. I figured there wasn't much time left for the little guy anyway, so I sat down beside the cat and waited. As I sat beside this suffering cat I began to really think about what had happened and what was happening. I hit this cat and now it is going to die. This cat did nothing wrong. It does not deserve to die and certainly not like this. This situation, it made me think of evil in the world. I know the connection of a dying cat and evil is quite a stretch, but nonetheless, it felt evil. I began thinking of all the horrible things that happen in the world and how a lot of it just cant be explained. It is, the way it is. Life. Perhaps this cat represented the innocence of people. Their is no excuse for all the hatred that we inflict upon others. It is our innate way to sin. That is our innocence; we cannot control the fact that we screw up and will continue to. I'm not really sure what this all means. Maybe this moment was meant to be so that I would recognize the error of our ways in this world. Or perhaps the cat was just in the wrong place at the wrong time. I don't even like cats. 

(P.S. I didn't actually hit a cat.)

Christ Figure

 It was a Friday night. I was walking to the bus stop. There were people all over the sidewalks and flowing out of bars and clubs, but I noticed one particular man in an alley. He was completely alone and isolated from his busy surroundings. I was drawn to this man. I could feel his loneliness and despair. My heart broke when I saw that he was in the middle of shooting himself up with what looked like heroin. I just stood there and watched until it was over. I wanted to do something, but I just stood there and watched the life drain from his eyes. The mans body went limp, but the needle, stuck in his arm, continued to hang there. I was in shock. I had lived a pretty uneventful life compared to that until then. I never knew anyone who did hard drugs like that so I had no idea what to do.

"Hey man, are you alright?", there was no response.

I walked over and knelt beside his body. I started to panic because I thought he might be dead. That made me want to cry. I had never felt the urge to cry more in my life and it was for a man I never even knew. I hesitantly felt his neck for a pulse. Thankfully he was still alive, but he was not in good shape. His arms and face were covered in scars and sores and who knew what kind of diseases he had. Something came over me, I felt so much empathy for this man. It was a feeling that I had never felt before. With tears falling down my face I prayed. I had never prayed before in my life, never even thought about praying. But without even thinking about it that's what I did. I prayed that I could help this man, that I could take his pain away. With my eyes closed and my arms wrapped around this man I prayed. Without opening my eyes I knew what had happened. The second I looked at this man and saw that he no longer had scars and sores covering his face and body, his face no longer pale, but healthy, meat on his bones, I had no regret. I went home. I didn't know what I felt. It was a feeling of amazement and pleasure, but I was in pain. I went to the bathroom and looked at myself in the mirror; my face and body were now covered in the scars and sores that recently covered the man in the alley's face and body. My skin was now pale, my bones and ribs visible through my skin, I was weak and helpless. I prayed with all of my heart to a God I didn't know I believed in that he would take away this mans pain. I prayed that I would take his place and take on his pain and restore his health. It was an odd feeling. I had never felt so much pain and suffering in my life while at the same time feeling an amount of joy that cannot be described in words, or at least words I would never use to describe a feeling; glorious, forgiven, sacrifice, unconditional, hallelujah....

"Simply and Wonderfully"

I recently watched the movie The Terminal. I love this movie. Yes it has Tom Hanks in it and was directed by Steven Spielberg so it's automatically a good one. However, the reason that I love this movie is because it is simple. Not simple in the sense that it isn't complex, because it is an original idea. But simple in the sense that it is about a simple, but wonderful character. Victor (Tom Hanks) is a man that becomes stranded in the JFK airport when his country goes to war while he is on the plane to New York and is therefore a non-citizen and is not allowed to step into the United States or he will be arrested. Victor simply begins to live his life in this airport. He meets friends, has adventures and finds love in these confines. He doesn't stop living because of his restrictions. He lives simply, but with purpose. He is fulfilling a promise to his father, but until he is able to do so he continues to enjoy life. Simple does not mean unadventurous or boring. Simple is defined as "easily understood or done; presenting no difficulty". Living simply doesn't confine someone, but the opposite. He knows life is a gift and continues to make the best of it even though he is stuck in an airport while his country is at war. I believe Victor lives simply because he made a promise to his father and set out to follow through with it and does so. It is not complex, he made a promise and kept it. New York City the greatest city in the world was just outside the door from him, but he was still able to find happiness in the airport through the simplest things; Burger King, fixing things, helping friends, and the few and short meetings he had with the girl of his dreams. And when it is all finished and he finally goes out into New York and keeps his promise to his father by getting the signature of a famous saxophone player... he then goes back home. Perhaps I am reading too much into a movie that was possibly just supposed to be a good film with a few laughs, but what I saw was a man who could make his life great no matter what his surroundings were. I read a book full of great life quotes; one of which was, "The tragedy of life," said W.M. Lewis, "is not that it ends so soon, but that we wait so long to begin it." Personally I think that is my problem, I keep waiting for a more convenient time to have a full life, like when I'm done school, when I have a career, a family... but I don't think a full life is about convenience, but about action. Live like Victor, simply and wonderfully!

The Chase

Jerry had never been the same since the accident. If he wasn't keeping busy he was thinking about it. So he kept himself by working, which meant he had to travel a lot. He had to travel a lot for his work and made his way to New York City quite often. He was just leaving the airport consuming his thoughts with work when a young guy walked up by Jerry and bumped into him and began to run. Confused, Jerry started to check his belongings and realised his phone was missing. He saw the young teenager running and weaving through the crowds. Without even thinking about it Jerry started to chase the kid. The teenager stole a cheap older flip-phone from Jerry. A type of phone that Jerry could easily replace, it wasn't essential to his work, but Jerry had other motives for chasing his phone. He was running after the kid with every fibre in his being to retrieve this cheap phone. The young boy that was being chased was quite confused. The reason that he would target business men such as Jerry was because he would usually get very expensive phones, which he didn't in this case, and because they normally give up after a while because they know they can replace it, but Jerry was not giving up. The kid was peeling in out of alley ways, hopping garbage cans, dodging taxi's, and every time he would look behind him Jerry would be right there gaining more and more distance. The kid was started to wonder that there might be expensive information on this phone. Jerry's heart had only been pumping this fast one other time. The accident. He started to think what it would be like if he lost this phone and started to run faster and faster. Jerry went back to that day when he lost everything. He thought about how it was before and how it is was now in that moment and was close to tears. He thought about how he already lost everything, he couldn't lose this phone, it was all he had left. As he came back to the present moment he realised he was in reaching distance of the teenager. He stretched his arm out and grabbed his jacket, just as he finally caught him the  teenager fell into the doorway of a building. Jerry and the teenager fell on the ground, the boy quickly tossed the phone to another guy waiting their for him and tried to make a run for it, but Jerry immediately caught him. He threw him on the ground. He threw his hands around the kids neck and ordered for him to give the phone up. Both of the young guys were in shock. They were terrified at Jerry's determination to retrieve this ordinary phone. He immediately gave up the phone. Jerry scrambled to see if it was still there. He opened up the phone and clicked on the small camera icon. He started to scroll through his pictures. The other guys were frozen in confusion. They just stood there waiting to see what Jerry was gonna do. He was looking through all of his pictures and started to panic when it didn't appear right away. And then he finally came to it, he clicked on the picture and it took up the whole screen. A flash of relief came across Jerry as he stood there gazing at the only picture he had of his late wife and three week old daughter together. He always thought he would have his whole life to capture those memories of his lost daughter. They were both taken from him three weeks after the birth of of his daughter in a horrible accident. This picture of his two beautiful girls was all he had left of them. He looked up and saw the fear in those boys eyes, he smiled at them and threw them all of the money he had in his wallet and walked away with his priceless phone in hand.

The Alley Way

John had enough. He hit his breaking point. He always knew what he was capable of, but he taught himself to control it and promised himself never to use it. However, he hadn't expected to be bullied either. He always thought of himself as a good guy, a nice guy, a friendly guy, but he had no friends. He didn't know why he was bullied. He maybe didn't look like a popular guy, but they couldn't bully him just because of that, right? It was the worst with Mack. He took it way too far with John. He is the sole reason that John got to the point that he did. Mack had made a mistake. A big mistake. John was shy to begin with, but with his capabilities and his desire to hide them he became even more shy. On this day John was no longer going to take it. He was angry and was looking forward to it. School ended and John started to walk home just like he did everyday. And Mack stopped him in an alley just like he does everyday. But today events did not take place like they did everyday. Mack walked up to John calling him horrible names and making jokes about him. Mack pushed John against the wall with all of his force. John hit the wall. A smirk appeared on John's face. It was almost in slow motion that John could see Mack's left fist coming towards his face. John saw his chance and took it. He stopped Mack's fist inches from his face. And with that simple touch of his hand touching Mack's he brought Mack to his knees. John very calmly and confidently moved his hand on to Mack's chest where he made him lay flat on his back in complete and utter pain. He left Mack laying there on the ground in pain. He knew the pain would subside, but long enough for John to take his time walking out of that alley with a smile on his face. He knew that would have scared Mack enough to leave him alone. John knew he had taken it too far, but he was fed up. He didn't deserve to be treated like that, so he decided to do something about it. He told himself it was a one time thing to get Mack off his back, but it made him feel good. It made him feel respected. It made him feel powerful. It became his go to move. Any time someone tried to mess with him or was even a little rude to him he would simply rest his arm on their shoulder and they would fall to their to knees because John had the capability to force pain upon anybody he touched. This was the reason that John never used his ability, because he knew what kind of person it would make him. But it was too late, he had already become that person. He became greedy for power. It became a way that he would get what he wanted. Nobody bullied him anymore, in fact, he was now known as the bully. Mack became the shy one. He stayed as far from John as he could and never told anyone what happened because he was too scared. John had hit a knew breaking point, but that was about to change. John knew he had been given this divine ability, he knew that it could have been used for good, but he abused it. But this power was given to John for a reason. This reason was found out on the most important day of John's life. It seemed like a normal day. John went through his normal routine. He started walking the same way as he always does. He was approaching the alley and saw that Mack was near the end of the alley with another man. The man pushed Mack up against the wall similar to John's previous position. John thought to himself that Mack was getting what he deserved. Then the man pulled out a gun and shot Mack. The man ran away as soon as it happened. Mack slowly slid down the wall with a streak of red making a path down to the ground. John was in shock. He didn't know what to do. He ran over to Mack and dropped to his knees. He held Mack in his arms. The blood seemed never ending. He couldn't help but think it looked like a scene right out of a movie, but this was reality. He kept telling Mack he would be alright. He thought he was lying. Mack suddenly opened his mouth and very slowly tried to talk to John. John was able to make out the words; "I'm sorry". John started to cry. He was disgusted with himself, but in that moment, that moment of shame, he finally knew the reason he was given this powerful ability. It was not to help himself, but to help others. As he held Mack in his arms and his tears rolled off his face on to Mack he placed his hand over Mack's wound. John could feel it. He could feel the wound appearing inside of himself. You see, his ability was not to give people pain, that was his curse, his ability was that he could take pain away. He finally knew that as the wound disappeared from Mack and appeared in himself. The blood started to pour out of himself. But he wasn't scared. He simply layed down knowing this was what he was meant for. John knew that if he realised his potential earlier he could have saved many more, but he died with the satisfaction of saving at least one. And that was enough.

A Final Day With Death

Jimmy was woken up several times throughout the night because he felt the sickness he was told so much about coming on. It's been like this ever since he started Chemotherapy. He had cancer for a couple years now. He woke up this morning feeling more sick than usual. He walked into his kitchen half-awake and half-asleep and went to the sink and took a drink right from the tap.

"Gross." said a voice from behind Jimmy. Clearly startled and scared, Jimmy yelled and jumped back. He saw a man wearing an old Rolling Stones t-shirt and a Yankees hat with ripped jeans. This guy was clearly passed his time. Very confused, Jimmy asked;

"Who are you and why are you in my house?", the man finished his toast and peanut butter and drank his orange juice before he spoke.

"Listen Jimmy there is no easy way to say this, so I am just going to come right out and say it... I'm death!". The man was completely surprised by Jimmy's reaction. Jimmy didn't even react, his facial expression didn't change, he didn't start to cry and freak out like most people. He simply continued on with his routine, went to  the toaster and put some bread in.

"Are you okay Jimmy?"

"Ya, I'm okay. I mean the doctors told me I didn't have long, so I expected this eventually."

"Wait, you expected me?"

"Ya, your like an angel aren't you? Wait, I am going to heaven aren't I?"

"Oh ya of course Jimmy, you did everything the Big Man and the Good Book asked, I'm just used to people freaking out, they know it's going to happen, but it still scares them."

"Well I guess I can understand that, I mean I can kind of understand, I'm not really ready to go myself."

"Well here is the thing, the Big Man said you can have one day."
"For real?"
"Yes, so I would suggest using it wisely."
In the world's eyes Jimmy didn't have much to live for. He was 26, he was single, no children, and his only family was his mother. Jimmy really had no idea what he should do, he seriously contemplated just going in to work, but death convinced him to spend it more wisely than that. Jimmy was a columnist for the New York Post. He had a very good job, but spent a lot of his time by himself writing and reading. He was a fairly good-looking man, very kind, humble, good job, a great lifestyle, so it wasn't like he was single from lack of female interest. He was just simply content being alone. Some people may not agree with his choice of lifestyle, but he enjoyed it and did his part for the world and in his will all of his money went to charity. However, now that he has this one day, he has no family or friends to spend it with. His mother was losing her memory and by now didn't remember him. He wanted to go visit her one last time. He spent the majority of his day with her, she spent most of that time reading, so he read too. She was about to fall asleep, he went over to her and gave her a kiss on the cheek. With tears beginning to roll down his cheeks he told his mom how much he loved her and said goodbye.
"Will I see you next week as usual?", his mother so innocently asked. Jimmy was conflicted, but he knew the Big Man would forgive him, especially this time.
"Yes mom, I'll be here!". Jimmy so passionately said. In a way he wasn't lying because he will be with her in spirit, he will be with her every day now. He gave her a big hug and walked out. It was about 7:00 pm, Jimmy and death were tossing a football. Death stopped and asked,
"Jimmy, you are a twenty six year old man, you have one more day to live and you are playing catch with death, there has to be something you want to do for your last night."
"You're right, a diner down the street makes the greatest burgers, the perfect last meal."
"A burger? Alright, if that's what you want."
Jimmy and death were devouring their burgers. Jimmy had a huge smile on his face. It didn't take long for death to realise that Jimmy wasn't smiling because of the burgers. He followed Jimmy's eyes and it led him to a beautiful waitress.
"So that's why you wanted this be your last meal." Jimmy started to blush when he was caught in the act of staring at this gorgeous young girl. "Why haven't you ever asked her out?"
"I'm not very good with women, I'm always afraid I'll say something stupid."
"Well it's your last night, who cares if you say something stupid."
"You mean now? I can't talk to her now, I'm going to die in about three hours!"
"Why not? That's the best way to end it all, talking to the girl of your dreams."
"I can't."
"Alright, if you want to end your night with this crappy pie and staring at this girl instead of acting on those feelings, than so be it."
"I'm too nervous, especially with all of these people."
"Alright, we will wait til everyone leaves then."
Jimmy and death waited in that booth for hours. They talked about everything, Jimmy told death his whole life story. They were becoming close even though Jimmy was telling the stories and Death just listened, but he was intrigued, he loved it. Death was living vicariously through Jimmy's stories. They laughed, they smiled, and enjoyed every minute in that booth. Jimmy started to think that his life could have been better if he had more friends, just as he started to wonder the last customer left and the last three people in the diner were Death, Jimmy, and his dream girl.
"Alright now is your chance go talk to her." Jimmy's heart suddenly dropped to his stomach and was beating twice as fast. Jimmy suddenly understood the concept of your life flashing before your eyes as it happened to him in seconds. He saw his whole life, though it was great, he had regrets, some of which were opportunities.  This was an opportunity, an opportunity to make the last minutes of his life a moment that he won't regret. He  got a big smile on his face as he knew what was waiting for him in about twenty minutes. He knew he had nothing to lose.
"Alright, but I need you to do something for me...". Jimmy walked over to the waitress.
"Hi, my name is Jimmy. You probably don't recognise me, but I come in here a lot and it is because of you, the food kind of sucks.This might sound weird  but I think you are gorgeous, I see the way you treat other people and you are the sweetest person ever, and you have a smile that is out of this world. When I think of the dream girl, I can't help, but think of you."
"I'm Lucy.", as she said with a big smile and blushing cheeks. Jimmy knew he had succeeded when he saw that beautiful smile appear. Hearing her name was Death's cue. Frank Sinatra's, "The Way You Look Tonight" started to play.
"Would you like to dance?" Jimmy said very nervously as he stuck his hand out for her to take. She just looked at his hand for a little while, but the smile never left her face. She hadn't said another word, but Jimmy knew he caught her attention.
"I would love to." She reached out and grabbed his hand. Jimmy was spinning her and picking her up and spinning her around and they loved every minute of it. They were both laughing and having the time of their life. The song was coming near the end and she suddenly stopped the energetic dancing and came close to him. She wrapped her hands around his neck and rested her head against his chest. Jimmy never felt so happy in his life. He couldn't think of a better way to spend his last moment. Death tapped Jimmy on the back, he told Lucy he had to go, but how much this night meant to him. He walked out of that Diner and she never saw him again. Jimmy left that Diner with a huge smile... and he left this world with an even bigger one.

The Man With Slicked Hair...

Bobby woke up in the middle of the night to the sound of a gunshot. He ran over to the window to see a man standing over the body of a woman with a gun in his right hand.The man looked towards Bobby's house and they made eye contact. Bobby quickly ducked down below his window hoping the man would go away. A young teenager who was friends with Bobby came running into his house through the back door. He told Bobby that he saw the whole thing from start to finish and that the man saw him. The young boy started to cry in fear. The boy had been involved with a gang and did some time at a juvenile detention centre, but he didn't deserve to die, Bobby knew this. He pulled the boy close and told him to go through the back door, to take his car and drive home as fast as he could and wait for his call. He knew that if the boy went to the police alone they wouldn't believe a gang member. As the boy left, Bobby ran over to his phone. He quickly called 911 and told them what he saw. Suddenly he heard a light knock on the front door. Bobby knew who it was. He could tell just looking at this man that he wouldn't leave the scene knowing there are loose-ends. Bobby waited a little while praying the man would go away. Another light knock at the door. Bobby was surprised at this man's patience thinking the door would be kicked down by now. A couple tears rolled down Bobby's face, still kneeling on the ground he dropped his head into his hands, he prayed a prayer unlike anything he has ever prayed. He raised his head from his hands. The quick, but powerful prayer gave him a sense of peace. He accepted whatever his fate was. Bobby slowly walked over to the door and opened it. At the door was standing an averaged size man, he was clearly very fit, probably in his early to mid thirty's, his hair was slicked back, he was wearing old sunglasses even though it was night and a leather jacket, in his mouth was an unlit cigarette. He gave Bobby a smile. He politely asked Bobby if he could come in. Bobby hesitated and then let the man in his house. The man walked into the house and pulled out a gold lighter and lit his cigarette. Bobby was about to tell him to put it out, but thought twice before talking and decided not to. The man told Bobby what was going to happen, his directions were very clear.
"I know what you saw and I know what the boy saw who came in here and then conveniently drove away I'm guessing with your car, don't try and deny it because I know the truth and I don't like being lied to. So here is what's going to happen. The police are going to be here in a few minutes because I am assuming you have already called them. So you are going to come with me and we are going to go for a drive."
Bobby followed the man to the back door where he was then led to the man's car. It was a 1970 black camero. Despite the situation Bobby still mentally recognised the beauty of this classic. They drove for about ten minutes until the man parked underneath an old bridge. Bobby was terrified looking around the surrounding landscape hoping someone was watching and would call for help, but there wasn't a soul in sight.   They sat there in silence for a few minutes, the man then pulled his gun out of his jacket pocket and very slowly and gently placed it on the dash board. Then in his other jacket pocket he pulled out a picture frame with a picture of Bobby's family in it. He then very politely laid Bobby's options in front of him.
"Here's the thing; I know you aren't going to tell the police what you saw otherwise you will never see these lovely people again, the boy on the other hand, well he is a loose-end. Nobody likes loose-ends. So here are your options: you can tell me where I can find the boy and you and your family can be free to go or you can not tell me where the boy is and I shoot you. Choose wisely."
Tears started to roll down Bobby's face again. He closed his eyes, he's never prayed so hard in his life.
"God what do I do in this situation? Do I just tell him where he is and then I can go peacefully? But he might still kill me anyways. Or do I not tell him and risk my life, but save the boy's?
The tears very quickly stopped.
"Alright, where is the boy?"
With complete peace and contentment, Bobby just shook his head. He knew what was coming and he accepted that. In one swift motion the man took the gun off the dashboard and shot Bobby in the head.
Bobby sat up in his bed sweating profusely.
"Holy crap, it was a dream!"

This Is Church...

Myself and my three friends were sitting in a dark room. We were unused, ignored... empty. Just six days ago hands were all over me. So I was feeling used and abused until a glimmer of light silhouetted me in the dark. In walked a stranger toward me, us. He carried us out of the shadow and into the light to centre stage. It seems that we are featured under the lights. As the music played and the holy words were spoken we knew our five minutes of fame were approaching. The music was rising to a crescendo as we were lifted to our place of honour. The hands held us as though we were sacred. They turned for the crowd to see as they decorated us with their riches. It had begun, as we were on parade for all to see. Immediately someone tried to upstage those who had previously decorated me. Another tried to fool me with empty offering for all to see. I found myself beside one who had little to benefit me. But she dug into her meagre means to bless me abundantly. In that moment I realized it wasn't about the spotlight on me. There was a greater power at work  in this show that anyone could sense. Then there was one who dropped his head in shame as I came his way.  The one who led me passed him over despised by the mans lack of riches. From all appearances he was rugged and worn, it was clear he was feeling as I did previously ; used, abused, and empty. My calling was clear as I jerked from the hands that held me. I flipped myself, an offering plate, emptying all the riches bestowed upon me. They landed in those hands, rugged and worn, where it was truly needed. This is church...
Co-written by Lance Schubert and Leighton Schubert

Light After Some Dark

I just finished watching the movie 500 Days of Summer. Yes, it is a chick-flick, however, throughout this movie I couldn't help but think that the story was fantastic. Allow me to give you the quick synopsis; the story goes through the 500 days that Tom knew Summer (a girl, not the season). It starts on the 488 day of the 500 days where it makes it seem that they end up together even though at the beginning of the movie the narrator assures us that "this is not a love story". The film goes back and forth from the first days they met to the days near the end. While watching this movie I started to get quite frustrated because this girl kept pushing the guy away until she broke up with him without a proper explanation. On the first days that they started to get to know each other, Summer told Tom that she didn't believe in love and Tom said that he disagreed, she asked how one could even know what love is, he replied by saying that you'll know when you feel it. This is kind of the basis of the film because throughout the story Tom is falling in love with Summer, but Summer continues to push him away until she ends it for good. I know that it sounds like a really sappy and depressing love story, but it is actually a great one. In order for me to express my thought I have to give away the ending; Tom continues to be in love with Summer and thinks there still might be hope for them until he finds out on the early four hundreds of their relationship that she is engaged. Right away I began to think that this story sucks because it is incredibly depressing and the guy gets screwed over. Then on day 488, Summer sees Tom at a park bench and goes to talk to him (by this time she is happily married to another guy). Tom, who is clearly depressed by the whole situation, tells Summer that she was right at the beginning, that there is no such thing as destiny or fate and ultimately no such thing as love. Summer smiled and said that he was wrong, that it was fate and destiny that she met this other guy and fell in love with him, so in the end Tom was right at the beginning by saying she had found her true love, still Tom was in disbelief. At this point I am starting to think that this is so true, that sometimes there is really crappy and depressing stuff that happens in life that makes you want to give up and stop believing in stuff such as love. But that is just life. There is no other way to explain it, sometimes stuff just happens that you can't make sense of or explain, that's life, but that doesn't mean you should give up on the things you believe in; fate, destiny, love. It means you continue on with your life, you continue to enjoy because that one thing that happened, whatever it was whether it was big or small is not the end of the world. Which I believe is a great lesson, however, that is not how the movie ended. On day 500 Tom went to an interview to pursue his dream of becoming an architect (moving on with his life), while in the waiting room he met a beautiful girl (much better looking than Summer) who he then asked out for coffee in which she agreed, as he was about to leave he asked her name; Autumn... So then after watching the whole movie I then began to think that sometimes unexplainable crappy things happen, you just have to continue on enjoying life. However, sometimes things in life happen for a reason, sometimes something that seems horrible happens because you are destined for something much greater. Sometimes in life when it seems like love, destiny, or happiness is such a foreign concept, joy is found at the end of that dark tunnel.  

A Divine Conversation

Ed is a typical man.
He has a normal life,
he goes through the motions, day after day.
He wakes up, goes to work, goes home, goes to sleep.
His current existence consists of routines;
everyday Ed walks to and from work,
he goes the same route at the same pace and stops at the same coffee shop.
This has been his routine for five years.
Ed continues his routine even on weekends,
stopping to get his coffee.
Every morning, after he comes out of the coffee shop,
he gives his left over change to a homeless man despite the mans sign;
on an old piece of cardboard it reads,
"Don't want your money, just want your time."
Time is one thing Ed doesn't have.
His job forces him to dedicate his life to it,
a small sacrifice for wealth, women, and fame.
He hasn't always been like this, he changed.
On one particular day, Ed's life completely changed.... again.
He was on his usual routine,
everything started normal like it usually does.
He left his building and started to walk,
he stopped at his coffee shop, bought his coffee and came back out.
He reached his hand into his pocket and pulled the leftover change out,
Ed usually places the money in the mans beer stained hat,
however,
today the man reached his open hand out,
About to drop it in his hand, the man had quickly grasped on to Ed's hand.
He pulled Ed close and said to him, "all I want is your time".
Ed kept the money in his hand and started to walk away.
For the first time in five years Ed had stepped outside of his routine,
about a hundred feet down the sidewalk, Ed stopped.
He walked back to the man and sat beside him.
The man was like a little kid in a candy store with a smile from ear to ear.
With a big of sigh of confusion, Ed looked to him and said,
"alright you have my time"
The man stretched his hand out, "Hi, I'm Mike"
"I'm Ed".
"Tell me about yourself Ed"
"Why would I tell you anything about myself? that doesn't make any sense"
"Neither does you giving me your time, but you did"
After a long pause,
"Well, I work down the street, not married, don't have kids, and I enjoy being alone"
"Why did you sit down Ed?"
"I really don't know, just felt like I should"
"Well I am glad you did"
"Ya sure whatever, well I should get to work"
Ed stood up and was about to start walking;
"Have you ever been in love Ed?"
Clearly angered, Ed responded, "WHAT?", but also intrigued as he sat back down.
"Oh that must be a sensitive subject for you"
"What kind of a question is that, I don't even know you"
"Well are you gonna answer it or not?"
"Alright, I'll answer it if you answer one of my questions"
"Fair enough"
"Why don't you get a job, for the past five years that I've lived here, you just sit here with that sign"
"I have a job and I am doing it right now"
"Oh ya, your job is that you're a homeless person?"
"Ya, something like that"
"Oh please, what were you addicted to drugs? alcohol? lost everything? what was it?"
"Okay, you want the truth Ed... I'm an angel!"
"Alright, drugs it is."
"Okay I answered the question, your turn"
"Whoa, you still haven't actually told me why you are here"
"I just did"
"Pffff, but fine, yes, I have been in love"
"What happened?"
"Why do you assume something happened?"
"Because you don't seem to live a life of a man in love"
Ed immediately grabbed the collar of Mike's jacket and pulled him close,
"I have NEVER stopped loving her"
"Who?"
"My wife, I will always love her!"
"You aren't wearing a ring."
"Because I'm not married anymore, she died."
"How did she die?"
"Car accident, a truck driver fell asleep at the wheel and they both died"
"Is that why you are like this?"
"Like what?"
"Angry"
"You know other people they just ask how I am doing with it and apologise, but your different"
"Well I'm not like other people"
"Ya, that's probably why I am still sitting here"
"Can I ask you something?"
"I think that it is my turn to ask a question"
"Alright, go ahead."
"Why did you say you're an angel?"
"Because I am, that was a stupid question"
"If you are an angel why are you dressed like a homeless person?"
"Because descending from the heavens in white with wings seems to attract a lot of attention"
"Okay, but why a homeless person, I mean why not a doctor or a minister?"
"Because a homeless person allows me to sit here and observe people and complete my mission, purpose"
"Your mission?"
"Yes, I have a purpose for being here"
"And what is it?"
"Its you"
"Of course it is, then what is your purpose with me?"
"Its my turn for a question"
"Fine"
"Why do you always give me change?"
"Because its something my wife would have done, it would have made her happy"
"What about you?"
"What about me?"
"Are you happy?"
"Why would I be happy, my wife is dead!"
"Well maybe she is in a better place, wouldn't that make you happy?"
"Yes, if I believed there was a better place"
"Why don't you?"
"Because there is so much evil"
"There is some good in the world"
"Oh ya, like what?"
"People like your wife... people like you"
"I'll never be like my wife"
"You might, if you ever allow yourself to be happy again"
"I can't"
"Why?"
"Because it is my fault that she is dead"
"Why do you say that?"
"Because we got into a fight and she got angry and drove away, and I never saw her again"
A tear slowly appeared in the corner of Ed's eye, it grew and touched his skin and fell down his face.
"Trust me Ed, you are not the reason she died"
"You don't know that"
"Yes, I do"
Ed quickly turned from sad to angry.
"Mike don't try that angel crap with my wife"
Neither one of them said anything for a very long time,
they both sat there in silence.
Ed's face grew more and more wet while Mike sat there thinking.
Mike knew this was his chance and had to act.
"If you had the chance to talk to your wife before she died what would you have said?"
Ed's tears were no longer subtle, he began to cry.
"I would tell her that I love her and that I will always love her"
Mike had a very gentle and innocent smile on his face,
he leaned in really close to Ed,
his mouth was an inch from Ed's ear.
He began to whisper very softly;
"She loves you Ed, she never stopped loving you and she wants you to be happy"
"who?"
"Jane....... your wife!"
Ed's face went pale,
Mike stood up.
"You can be a good person Ed, if not for yourself than for her!"
Mike walked away and Ed never saw him again.
To this day Ed doesn't know if Mike was an angel,
but he does know that he has never been the same.
The next day Ed didn't follow one of his routines;
he slept in, made his own coffee and didn't go to work.
Ed walked down the same street as always,
he walked to the coffee shop and stopped in front of it,
he sat down in Mikes place and lifted up his sign;
"Don't want your money, just want your time!"